Why Intimacy Issues Often Show Up After Summer Holidays (and How to Tackle Them This September)
- Marie De
- 2 days ago
- 4 min read
Summer holidays are often painted as the perfect time for couples: sun-soaked beaches, romantic dinners, and uninterrupted time together. Yet for many, this idealised picture doesn’t match reality. Instead, time away can magnify the cracks in a relationship, particularly around intimacy.
If you’ve ever come home from a holiday feeling more distant from your partner than before you left, you’re not alone. September, with its back-to-routine rhythm, often becomes the month when couples finally acknowledge intimacy struggles they’ve been avoiding. The good news? Noticing the pattern means you can do something about it.
Why Holidays Can Trigger Intimacy Issues
Holidays create unique conditions that can put pressure on intimacy:
Time together is intensified. At home, work, family, and daily commitments naturally create space between you and your partner. On holiday, that space shrinks, and differences are harder to ignore.
Expectations run high. Social media and cultural ideals tell us holidays should be filled with passion and closeness. When reality doesn’t match, disappointment sets in.
Stress doesn’t disappear. Travel itself brings stress – from airports and expenses to childcare or language barriers. Instead of relaxing, some couples find tensions rise.
Unresolved issues resurface. A change of setting can’t fix communication difficulties, mismatched desire, or intimacy struggles. In fact, they can feel sharper without daily distractions.
This is why so many couples return home in September questioning their intimacy, or even their relationship as a whole.
Common Intimacy Struggles After Summer Holidays
Every relationship is different, but certain patterns crop up time and again when couples reflect on their holidays:
1. Pressure to Be Intimate
When you’re away, it’s common to think “this is the time we’ll reconnect physically”. If sex doesn’t happen easily, or one partner isn’t in the mood, it can lead to feelings of rejection, guilt, or resentment.
2. Different Libidos
Spending all day together can highlight mismatched desire levels. One partner may expect frequent intimacy, while the other may feel overwhelmed, tired, or simply less interested.
3. Vaginismus and Anorgasmia Becoming More Noticeable
For women who live with vaginismus (involuntary tightening of the vaginal muscles) or anorgasmia (difficulty or inability to reach orgasm), holidays often highlight the issue. With intimacy “expected” more often, frustration and worry increase. This can leave both partners feeling confused and disconnected.
4. Avoidance and Anxiety
For men, erectile difficulties or delayed ejaculation may feel amplified on holiday. Instead of relaxing, the expectation to perform creates anxiety, which makes problems worse. Some respond by avoiding intimacy altogether, further straining the relationship.
5. Increased Arguments
Without everyday routines to distract you, unresolved tensions can spill out. Arguments on holiday are surprisingly common, and they often centre around intimacy, expectations, or how time is spent.
Why September is the Turning Point
September is often when couples finally say, “Something needs to change.” Why?
Back to routine. After the freedom (or friction) of summer, the return to work and school highlights what hasn’t been working.
Fresh start energy. Just like January, September carries a “new term” feeling. People feel motivated to address issues rather than ignore them.
Looking ahead. With Christmas and the end of the year on the horizon, couples don’t want problems dragging on. Many decide September is the time to seek help.
How to Tackle Intimacy Issues After Summer
If you’ve come home from holiday feeling more distant than you’d like, there are practical steps you can take this September to rebuild intimacy and confidence.
1. Lower the Pressure
Instead of expecting every intimate moment to be perfect, focus on small, pressure-free ways of connecting. Holding hands, cuddling, or sharing quiet moments together rebuilds safety and closeness.
2. Talk Honestly About Expectations
Have an open conversation about what you both hoped for on holiday, and how reality felt. Use “I” statements rather than blame, and listen as much as you speak. Clarity around expectations often eases frustration.
3. Address Specific Challenges
If you recognise issues such as vaginismus, anorgasmia, erectile difficulties, or delayed ejaculation, it’s important to know they are common and treatable. Avoiding the topic doesn’t make it go away. Seeking support can help you break the cycle of stress and worry around intimacy.
4. Prioritise Stress Management
Stress is a leading factor in intimacy struggles. This September, experiment with stress-reducing practices – whether it’s gentle exercise, meditation, journaling, or scheduling downtime. A calmer body and mind make intimacy easier and more enjoyable.
5. Create Shared Rituals
As you return to routines, build in rituals that nurture your bond: a weekly date night, a walk together after dinner, or tech-free time in the evenings. These small but consistent actions lay the groundwork for intimacy to flourish.
6. Seek Professional Guidance
If intimacy issues are causing ongoing distress, therapy can provide a confidential, supportive space to work through them. Whether through hypnotherapy, couples therapy, or another approach, professional help offers tools and perspectives you may not reach alone.
Frequently Asked Questions
Why do intimacy issues often show up after holidays?Because holidays amplify time together and expectations, struggles like mismatched desire, orgasm difficulties, or anxiety around sex can feel more visible than at home.
Is it normal to argue more on holiday?Yes. Without normal routines, unresolved issues come to the surface. Arguments are common, especially around intimacy or expectations.
What is vaginismus?Vaginismus is an involuntary tightening of the vaginal muscles, which can make intimacy uncomfortable or difficult. Stress and performance pressure can make it worse.
What is anorgasmia?Anorgasmia is the difficulty or inability to reach orgasm. It can be linked to stress, anxiety, or relationship dynamics as well as physical factors.
Can therapy help with these issues?Yes. Therapy offers a safe, non-judgemental space to explore what’s happening and to learn strategies to rebuild intimacy and confidence.
Moving Forward – Book Your Session
Intimacy struggles after summer are more common than most people realise. The key is not to ignore them. September is the perfect time to reset, reflect, and take action towards a healthier, more connected relationship.
If you’re experiencing vaginismus, anorgasmia, erectile difficulties, delayed ejaculation, or simply a loss of intimacy with your partner, support is available. Together, we can create a personalised hypnotherapy plan that helps you manage stress effectively, rebuild confidence, and restore closeness.
In-person sessions: London, Folkestone, KentOnline sessions: Available worldwide
Contact me today to book your free initial consultation and take the first step towards a calmer, more connected you this autumn.
