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Writer's pictureMarie DeBono

Understanding Vaginismus: Why Hypnotherapy Before Dilators?

Vaginismus is a condition that affects around 20 million women worldwide, yet it often goes misunderstood and mistreated by healthcare professionals. Described as involuntary spasms of the pelvic floor muscles, vaginismus makes penetration painful, uncomfortable, and, in some cases, entirely impossible. Women experiencing this condition frequently encounter frustration and confusion, often feeling dismissed or misunderstood by those they turn to for help.

 

Despite the psychological nature of vaginismus, the most common treatment recommended by many general practitioners, gynaecologists, and physiotherapists is the use of vaginal dilators. Women are often told that the problem is "not in their head," implying a purely physical solution when, in reality, vaginismus is deeply rooted in anxiety, fear, and psychological barriers. Forcing women to use dilators before addressing the psychological causes is not just ineffective—it can be re-traumatising and counterproductive.


What is Vaginismus?

Vaginismus can involve the automatic tightening or spasm of the muscles and a stinging, burning sensation around the vagina whenever there is an attempt at penetration. This response is involuntary, meaning that even if a woman is mentally prepared for sex or using tampons, her body may react by clenching and closing off. This physical response is the body's way of protecting itself, often triggered by a complex mix of fear, anxiety, or past trauma.

        

 The condition can be broken down into two types:

 

Primary Vaginismus: When a woman has never been able to have pain-free penetration.

Secondary Vaginismus: When the condition develops later in life, often after a period of normal sexual function, due to factors like trauma, menopause, or surgery.


Why Using Dilators Alone is the Wrong Approach

The prevailing treatment recommendation of vaginal dilators aims to gradually stretch and desensitise the vaginal muscles. However, for many women suffering from vaginismus, being told to insert anything into their vagina—despite their pain, fear, and emotional distress—is both terrifying and damaging.

The reasoning behind using dilators is that they can help "train" the vaginal muscles to relax. But what happens when a woman's mind is actively resisting?

 

Women, unfortunately, often find themselves faced with dilators recommended by the GP or physio, which can increase fear and anxiety, reinforcing a cycle of pain and frustration.

Women are being asked to push through their psychological barriers without the tools and support to address them. I see this time and time again.

 

Imagine sticking someone in a room full of tarantulas when they're absolutely terrified of spiders; we will compound the problem, resulting in pure terror.

 This approach is very common and extremely flawed. By focusing purely on the physical symptoms, healthcare professionals are overlooking the true root calls which lie within the mind-body connection.


Why Hypnotherapy is a Game-Changer

Hypnosis addresses vaginismus in a holistic way by addressing the mind-body connection, essentially working from the inside out instead of focusing on the physical act of penetration and pain. Hypnotherapy switches the focus to the pleasure that can be gained.

With the non-evasive, gentle approach of hypnotherapy, we can target the psychological root cause of the condition, offering long-lasting relief.

 

 

How Does Hypnotherapy Work?

Relaxation and Trust-Building: Hypnotherapy first establishes a safe and calming environment, allowing the mind and body to relax. This is crucial because, in the case of vaginismus, the body is in a state of hyper-alertness and protection.

Uncovering Emotional Triggers: Through guided sessions, your hypnotherapist will help you identify the emotional triggers. This could include fear of pain, past trauma, or anxiety around intimacy.

Reconditioning the Mind-Body Connection: hypnotherapy helps reframe the subconscious mind and enabling the body to understand that penetration is not a danger or a fret. Over time, this allows the woman to be able to approach intimacy without fear, allowing their muscles to relax naturally.

Gradual Desensitisation: By putting hypnotherapy before dilators this encourages a step-by-step approach, where you learn to mentally and emotionally prepare for penetration. This approach respects your boundaries and pace, reducing the risk of compounding the problem.


Why Hypnotherapy Before Dilators?

Imagine asking someone to overcome their fear of public speaking by thrusting them in front of a massive crowd on their first try. The result would likely be panic, failure, and reinforced fear. Similarly, telling a woman with vaginismus to use dilators without addressing the psychological side is like throwing her into the deep end of the pool before she's learned to swim.

 

When women are asked to use dilators first without working on their mental health barriers, they are asked to confront a situation that their bodies and minds are screaming to avoid.

This compound affair makes the muscles tighten even more. Think about this logically just for a moment: what happens to your body when you start to get stressed about anything? That's right, your body starts holding tension, and your muscles get tighter and tighter.

Over time, repeated failed attempts with dilators can lead to feelings of inadequacy, helplessness, and worsening anxiety around intimacy.


This is why hypnotherapy is crucial as a first step. It helps to remove the psychological blocks and fears that are causing the physical response, allowing the body to feel safe enough to start the process of healing. Once the emotional foundation is addressed, using dilators (if needed) can be done in a way that is gentle, consensual, and free from fear.


Personal Experience: Why Hypnotherapy Works

As a practitioner who has suffered with and worked with numerous women suffering from vaginismus, I have seen firsthand the transformation that hypnotherapy can bring. I advise my clients to avoid using dilators until we have thoroughly addressed their psychological blocks.

 

The difference is extreme—women who have struggled with dilators for years can finally find themselves making progress and often start to see improvements within 3 to 4 weeks of using hypnotherapy alone. However, the full recovery process can take longer.

 

By prioritising mental healing, we create a safe, supportive environment that allows the body to respond naturally. Women begin to really experience intimacy without the pain, fear and frustration and gain confidence and control over the entire body.

 

Changing The Narrative Around Vaginismus Treatment

The healthcare field needs to reevaluate its approach to treating vaginismus. It's not all about just relaxing the muscles it's also about understanding why they are tempting in the first place. Women that have used hypnotherapy to overcome vaginismus find that they are offered a holistic non-invasive approach that integrates the mind and body connection as part of the healing process.

 

By dismissing the psychological approach and jumping straight in with dilators, healthcare professionals are at risk of compounding the problem further. Increase in more stress, more pain, more anxiety, often resulting in many women never being able to experience full penetration, resulting in many failed relationships and being unable to procreate, impacting confidence in and out of the bedroom. Instead, professionals and the patients themselves need to understand that the solution considers both the emotional and physical dimensions of the condition.

 

For women experiencing vaginismus, the healing process should not focus on forcing their bodies into submission with dilators; instead, it should focus on creating a sense of safety, trust, and readiness. Something that can only be achieved through addressing the psychological causes in the first instance. Let's start to acknowledge the mind-body connection and put hypnosis at the forefront of the treatment where it really belongs.



Happy smiling woman holding daisies, flower bed open
Pain free intimacy always puts a smile on your face.

 

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